Helping an older relative stay safer online is a trust job, not a takeover. A person who lives alone may receive more calls, texts, mail, and pop-ups without someone nearby to compare notes with. They may also be embarrassed after a scam attempt. Shame helps scammers, so the family response needs to be calm.

Start with a simple agreement: “If anyone asks you for urgent money, codes, gift cards, crypto, or secrecy, call me first. You are not bothering me.” That sentence matters because many scams are designed to make the target feel alone.

Red flags:

• New secrecy around phone calls or messages.
• Frequent trips to buy gift cards, send wires, withdraw cash, or use crypto kiosks.
• A new “friend,” “helper,” “lawyer,” or “agent” who controls the conversation.
• Fear that a family member will be arrested unless money is sent.
• Anxiety about pop-up warnings or account alerts.
• Unusual bank activity, missing savings, or unopened mail.

Worked example: Your father says a “bank security officer” told him not to tell anyone because the family might be involved. He is planning to move money to protect it. The warning sign is not only the bank story. It is the isolation. A real safety step can be checked through the bank using a number from the bank card or official website, not a number the caller gave.

What to do:

• Ask permission to make a family scam plan together.
• Write down a short “call first” list and put it near the phone.
• Set bank and card alerts where appropriate, with the relative’s consent.
• Encourage a cooling-off rule for large payments.
• If money was sent, call the payment provider the same day before making reports.
• Report fraud at ReportFraud.ftc.gov after the money-stop step.

Respect keeps the door open. The goal is not to make someone feel foolish. The goal is to make it easier for them to pause, call, and recover.

This lesson is part of Protecting Your Family Online from Lumoset Foundation, Fort Wayne, Indiana – free, always, with no account and no catch.